We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
