Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
