John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
