Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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