I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
