Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
