Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
