you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
