Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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