I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
