I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
