i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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