Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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