my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Did I show you my penis last night?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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