I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
