i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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