just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
