you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I AM VODKA MAN
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize