you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
