i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize