but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
