Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
