dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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