good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
