The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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