I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize