I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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