You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
