Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
