Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
