What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
