why didn't you poke me back
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize