I like my sex mixed with concussions.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
