i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
