so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
