just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
