Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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