I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
