I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
