So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
