what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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