Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize