5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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