Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
