just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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