I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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