I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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