ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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