I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
