can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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