Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
