Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Im part way to drunk.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
