I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
