i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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