No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
