After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
