Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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