im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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