It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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