I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
