She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize