I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
