I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
